I feel bad for these people (mental health post?)

There’s a few things I wanna talk about here. This is going to be a long post so if you have the patience and a good place to sit while you do muktzah on Shabbos, enjoy this read or don’t lol

I’m out of the community now (for maybe a few years) but it wasn’t easy… Leaving this place has been social suicide. I never fit in here anyways but I’m proud that I don’t and I never want to. But it’s also been exhausting to be myself and constantly prove that I could succeed without this cult. And it hurt to be alienated.

I feel bad for those that are still ITC and for those that won’t even consider leaving. I feel bad because if they ever do decide to leave, they’ll also experience the inevitable alienation of being a Jew from outsiders.

It’s not specifically because we’re Jewish though but it’s about how we’re raised. Many ppl in this community never interacted with outsiders before and as a result have TERRIBLE social skills.

A lot of times I see people around me that are questioning Judaism and are curious about going off the derech who end up becoming chronically online because they don’t know anyone who thinks like them. Because using technology is starting to become a little more normalized in the community, it’s easier for people to end up becoming screen addicts.

I know someone who’s never spoken to a non Jew before in person and spends literally all her waking hours on her phone because she doesn’t agree with the way things work around here but doesn’t know anyone or how to talk to them.

I remember when I first left, I was terrified but I left anyways because I had too much curiosity and there was so much I wanted to experience. I ended up making a massive fool out of myself because I had no idea how to interact. It’s honestly not a surprise to me that just about every otd person I’ve met gets labeled some sort of neurodivergent eventually or struggle with mental health.

People in our community have terrible social skills though I don’t think it’s inherent in people. It’s about the lack of interaction with A) people of the opposite sex and B) people outside the community. Having your own personality really isn’t encouraged.

This post isn’t to discourage anyone from leaving btw, quite the opposite actually. The only way to really develop good interpersonal/social/conversational skills is by TALKING to people. I’m trying to do the same myself.

It’s really scary and it will 100% be embarrassing at first but practice is so important! You’ll face alienation, rejection and hurt but it’s the only way you’ll find YOUR people and find your community. I’m still looking so I’m reminding myself of this too.

The way our community functions in the 21st century is sad and it’s dysfunctional. Orthodox Judaism is not compatible with the times and the youth in our community are waking up to this fact and it’s happening really fast. But the sad part is that people who decide to leave for good don’t usually have a network of like minded people that can appreciate what we’ve been through because who tf willingly talks Orthodox Jews? Not many ppl even know we exist!

TDLR; The state of our community is sad. It’s important to be strong minded and have a good network of people to connect with if you decide to leave. Developing social skills is vital to getting by in the 21st century and that fact is barely emphasized in our community.