Mom never calls me but seems to expect me to…

I’m feeling really lost in my thoughts here, so would appreciate some perspective or advice.

For the last 10 years since I moved out of my parents house, I’ve always been the one to call my mom. Typically around once a week. If I don’t call, I get a text or email from her that feels very passive aggressive asking if I’m alive, OK, or how I’m doing. Our relationship is weird. We aren’t close, she doesn’t really ask me personal questions and never has. She’s very dismissive of my feelings but also will vent and complain to me on our calls typically.

With time and therapy, to be honest I’m sick and tired of it. I’m sick of being her emotional dumping ground when she could never reciprocate. I’m sick of being the one to call. I’ve tried talk to her about it maturely. Expressing that I’d appreciate her calling too. But she just responds that she doesn’t want to bother me. I’ve told her she’s welcome to leave a message if I’m busy and I’ll call her back (I’m a little frustrated that I need to explain this to a grown adult), but no change. No calls.

I’ve been very stressed with work recently and last week I didn’t call. On Saturday night I got an email with no subject line. “Hey there, (my name), how’s its going?”

I don’t know why this made me so mad, but I’m livid. Honestly partially because I feel like she genuinely doesn’t want to know how I am, she wants to vent to ME. I know that’s probably not fair of me to assume. It’s just that she’s AWFUL with feelings. If I open up to her she responds by trying to tell me how to deal with the situation or stupid dismissive platitudes “it will get better soon.” If god forbid I’m still not cheery and “fine” she will respond by getting upset with me. She’s said she’s working on being a better listener but honestly I’d rather just avoid her when I’m stressed because I don’t want to deal with the potential pain. Sometimes she is somewhat helpful to talk to, it’s just like…once in a blue moon. I just wish we could have a good relationship. Like I feel like I’m putting all this effort into therapy and working on my communication, but I just regress when Im in contact with her. It brings up resentment and anger and I just want space. Instead I get…passive aggressive emails. Maybe Im reading into them too much, dunno.

Anyways I’d love any advice or insight into this…if you’ve dealt with similar dynamic?