I wish he was still here

Is it wrong for me to truly grieve the fact that he’s gone? Is it parasocial of me to feel the same way I’d feel if a good friend died young? Would he even have the same impact on me if he was still alive? I don’t know but I do genuinely feel the same way about Elliott’s death that I feel about my cat or my father, it’s just cruel and unfair that someone so beautiful was taken away so young. I know he’s a real human being and maybe it’s wrong for me to assume that I know what would be best for him…but I’m still just really sad. I don’t know if this makes any sense and this post will probably just be deleted by mods, but I don’t have anyone in my life I can tell this too.