[Help] Introducing dog to skittish cat, while also trying to crate train her.

so before i go into this, i ask that you please not leave any hate as i am trying my best. constructive criticism is welcome.

hello everyone! my boyfriend and i recently rescued a staffy mix from the euthanasia list at the shelter. today is day 4 since we’ve had her, and i understand that we need to be patient but i would just like some tips from those of you who have successfully introduced your dog to your cat. we’re having a bit of difficulty trying to introduce them while also trying to get her accustomed to her crate. i’m not sure if i’m doing the right or wrong thing.

so, for right now we have been keeping the two separated. my cat stays in the bedroom (his safe space) while the dog gets the living room. we did set up a barrier, but she has learned to knock it over so we’re getting a stronger one tomorrow. so far, we’ve let them look at each other (while each one was restrained) and we’ve let them sniff each other under the door. when they look at each other, they just stare at each other. no tail wagging, nothing. she has chased him once, and that was when she learned how to knock the barrier over. thankfully, nothing happened.

however, things are starting to take a sharp turn. a few hours ago i had her restrained on a leash and i let the cat out of his room. upon seeing him, she stared for a bit and then started whining, wagging her tail, and stomping her feet as if she’s trying to get closer to him. i then separated them, and then a few minutes later i put the cat in her crate and then let her loose. she immediately starting running around the crate, whining and barking and sniffing him. he obviously didn’t like it, and started growling at her. i separated them again.

i don’t know where to go from here, whether i should slow things down or keep repeating the process until she gets desensitized to seeing him.

another issue i would like help/tips on is crate training her. the first night she slept in her crate all night with no issue. the second day, i came home to my boyfriend asleep with her on the couch (he works nights so he sleeps in the day while i work). the reason this happened was because when i put her in her crate to go to work, she cried for an hour until he got up and went to sleep with her. that same night, i crated her and she started to cry a bit (for around 15 mins) so i put on some music for her and put a blanket over the crate and she ended up falling asleep to it. around this time i started to notice she starts to cry when she can’t see me or my boyfriend, so this leads me to believe she has separation anxiety. we can’t even leave her to use the bathroom or shower because she cries. the third night was probably the worst so far. so, after a long day at the park with her i figured she would sleep with no issue, and i got her a kong toy with treats to leave in her crate just in case. that night, nothing worked. not the music, not the kong, not the blanket over the crate, nothing. i let her cry for a good 20 minutes before i eventually gave in and ended up sleeping on the couch with her. this morning, we crated her for about 10 minutes before letting her out (we sat next to the crate with her). and tonight i gave her the kong toy and locked her in for another 10 (while also leaving/coming back to check on her) before i let her back out because she stopped paying attention to her kong and started to cry.

typically, i wouldnt mind sleeping on the couch with her, but my cat also has mild separation anxiety and has been starting to meow because i’m not there. he never meows unless he wants my attention, but then if i leave the dog she starts to freak out and cry.

do you see my predicament here.

everything ive been doing has been based on research/reading about other people’s experiences, but i keep seeing so many different answers i’m not sure what to do now or what the next step is, or if i’m even doing anything right. while i do want to work with her, i don’t want my cat to feel like i abandoned him. again, my ultimate goal is for them to be able to relax in a room together.

TLDR; im trying to introduce my new dog to my cat while simultaneously trying to crate train her but i’m having a hard time.