Finally started rotation in dream specialty and not enjoying it?

Has anyone else experienced this?

You worked sure hard to get a post in the specialty of your dreams… and then you find yourself just feeling utterly empty and actually not enjoying it at all because there’s all this pressure and it’s new and maybe the department is a little toxic, maybe everyone in this specialty has no problem getting there half an hour early and then staying at work until 10pm even though you’re only paid until 5pm.

And there are mandatory educational sessions that happen at least once a week in the evenings (at 6pm, when you’re meant to be commuting but maybe you’re still stuck in theatre). And there’s all this pressure to get exams out of the way asap but then also it’s never too late to start thinking about ST3 prep… even though you barely have enough time to fill in the damned portfolio let alone think about an interview you may never get.

And like nobody actually teaches you anything and you’re meant to run clinics and wards and on-calls after a short crash course on induction day. Yes registrars are available on the phone but for the majority of the day you’re totally out there on your own.

I dunno maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe it’s the significantly longer commute that means I have to wake up at 5:50am. Or maybe I’m just taking a little while to settle into it all but what if that’s not it and I’m actually not suited to this at all? What do I do??