I ruined my parents lives.

My parents argued since I was a kid, almost always being about me. The only reason they didn’t divorce is because they thought it’d ruin me as a person.

They would’ve been much happier divorced, and they still probably would be. I was the only piece of thread that held their marriage together, putting them through 19 years of constant arguing and torment just because they didn’t want to hurt me. And yet, I’ve done nothing with my life. I know that’s not my fault, but it’s just a fact that I can’t avoid.

I work a dead end job, nobody respects me. I have no real talents. I barely graduated high-school and I dropped out of flight school. They have no reason to love or care about me, all I did is ruin their lives. They have nothing to be proud of me for.

I’ve went to counseling, I’ve been on and off medication over the years. I even tried turning to Christianity, and yet nothings helped.

I might join the military. I’m running out of ideas as to what to do with my life. I want to die being remembered for at least something. I want people to finally have a reason to be proud of me. I want to die with purpose.