Can’t do anything.

I 30F am at the worst point in my life, which is crazy to say because I used to be a raging drug addict/alcoholic. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I can get up go to work & I feel fine there.. but the second I get home, I can’t leave my bed, I have so many things to do and I feel like I just can’t. I hide in my phone. & I just have zero energy. I want to get into therapy but my local clinic has a 3 month wait & I have government insurance so besides the clinic I don’t know what other options I have. I just want to be normal, to get up & clean, do my responsibilities, & just not feel so numb and paralyzed everyday. The worst part is I have 4 kids. 11M, 6M, 5F, 1M & thankfully my husband sees how hard I’m struggling mentally & picks up my slack. I am so tired of feeling like this I want to be someone my kids are proud to call mom & im not right now. I had a horrible childhood. Parents were addicts that dragged us everywhere with them or left us with our grandparents for months on end(which was not a healthy environment either). So I know there’s a lot of trauma I need to work through I just don’t know where to begin. Sorry for rambling. I’m currently in my bathroom falling apart while my kids are downstairs playing. I just needed to get it out.