Letting go feels impossible

I fell in love. She didn’t feel the same way. She knew how I felt and still she said yes. I was a pushy jerk and she didn’t know how to say no to me. And I was blinded. And then she leaves you. You tell her you can’t be friends. So she says ojay. And then they’re not there. Every day on your life and then one day they’re gone. And they don’t have you in their mind for one second anymore and yet they’re embedded in yours. This cancer you need to scrape out. But you can’t run from it. You can’t fuck the pain away. You can’t drink it away. You can’t open a word document and pour that poison out. Some days the grief swallows you whole. And some days you let it.

I wish I hated her. Goddamnit. And everyone tells you to move on. It doesn’t matter. You never met her. It wasn’t real. She was never tangible. Never been kissed or even had her hand held by me. “I always have the best times with you.” U Tim that bloom wears off. You pour your love into someone that doesn’t want it. What a stupid pointless endeavor.

I don’t know what advice I’ll get. I know everyone will say move on. But how? I’ve put so much distance between me and her and yet she feels like she’s right there. It’s stupid I know.