I found a temporary alternative

I was going to carve self-depreciating words into my arm because I was feeling the craving to cut but instead I wrote everything with marker and covered my arm with the nastiest belittling words+phrases like a tattoo sleeve.

Obviously the pain factor wasn’t there but it did give me some satisfaction because I have some of my ‘pain’ to show, and I’m going to wear it to work (with sleeves of course) so that I can still have my ‘scars’ and it’ll be my own secret for a while.

So honestly yes it did make me feel better (if you’re someone who struggles with self-hate maybe try it)