Cheating through my CS degree

hey! I'm a 3rd year computer science student. as the title of this post says I'm currently cheating my way through the degree and honestly and i am and should be ashamed with myself. when i first started college i promised myself that i would not cheat on my cs classes ever but then i started my first cs class and needless to say because of the teacher i had i didn't really understand anything since she had 2 facemasks on her mouth which is totally fine but we couldn't understand her one bit and it didn't help that her personality wasn't the best, anyways because of that i got really confused and got unmotivated and instead of just searching it up on YouTube or seeking help elsewhere i proceeded to cheat since it was "easier" and I've cheated ever since and i regret it a lot, as i said I'm in my 3rd year now and im about to take Data structures and Advanced Programming, ive had panic attacks and severe anxiety leading up to this trimester because i feel like i don't know a lot just the surface. recently i started taking a python 3 course on Codecademy which i think im learning slowly but surely. I've also started going to speech therapy since i have a severe stutter and i know how tech interviews are. Point is, im ashamed of myself i want to stop cheating and i want to be a good programmer or at least one that knows what hes doing jaja, so im writing all of this because i want to be better and i would want to know what you guys would recommend me. any help is appreciated :)