Starting to feel impossible

No matter what I do I can’t win. After exploring the idea of my parents puppy scratching the shit out of me thinking about bartonella and this cat scratch nonsense, I happened to mention it to my Mom. This dog passed away quickly starting having seizures.

Mind you this was never a dog they wanted. My sister gifted it to them. After all 3 dogs they had passed in a year. Just the fact I brought it up she went absolutely insane. I’m sorry if it sounds cold but I like to explore all options. I’m not blaming anyone just saying hmm that dog did scratch the shit out of me.

What this turned into is unreal. Then I got my Mom venting to my wife so now she’s frustrated, got my Mother in law laying into me. I don’t do enough. My wife is doing everything. I just went back to work mind you while still battling this.

Meanwhile when I was healthy, I did everything. No one cares. This life and everything is all about what you do today. Such a cold cold world that leaves nothing for the chronically ill. Yet I fight so hard to recover. I do a million things. Doesn’t matter.

This shit has destroyed my life. Almost lost my job. Fear of losing my wife and family every day because I can’t live up to everyone’s standards. All they want to focus on is how it’s affected them too. I would kill to be in there shoes. At the end of the day there is no way for them to understand the severity of the mental and physical torture this is 24/7. It’s impossible to fathom.

On a brighter note I have been improving. It just seems that no one cares what condition I’m in just go to work shut up don’t talk about your illness and be expected to be a regular person.

I’m 18 months in. Not sure how much longer I can do this honestly. If I didn’t have a wife and kids I’m not sure I would be still be doing all this work. Would probably just lay on a beach until it took me.

Thanks for letting me vent guys. Appreciate this group. Praying for all of us suffering. God Bless. 🙏💪