Has anyone else become the black sheep of the family?

I used to be very family oriented. I have five siblings and had very close relationships with my older sister and twin brother. It was the same with my parents. I never got into trouble, I was always a good brother & son. But now I’m the family disappointment and I’m the most distant I’ve ever been from my family, just because I’m chronically ill.

I don’t get treated as bad as in the beginning because I think they’ve accepted who I am now, but there’s still indirect conflict against me it feels like. When I try to have a cordial conversation it feels like I’m doing something wrong. Like I should be ashamed of myself. And anytime I have conversations with them I have to dance around the topic of my illness, because if it’s brought up, it spirals into this argument about how my health issues are my “choice” and I’m not pushing myself to get better blah blah blah.

Its difficult seeing my family all get together for holidays, birthdays and even a family member funeral without me because I’m scared of being reinfected and I’m also just not good enough at acting like I’m not sick. Back when I was recovered I didn’t have to pretend to be healthy and sure enough, they started slowly accepting me again and treating me like a human.

I’ve been super close with my family my whole life. And it’s been 2.5 years now since becoming sick, and for some reason my familial instincts are still preventing me from just totally estranging myself from them. It just feels wrong and out of place for me to cut contact even though it’s the best thing I can do for my health.