Everyone thinks I’ve got it all figured out, truthfully I am absolutely lost

I’ve been in the military doing a job that I hate. I’m good at what I do but I this isn’t the path that I want to go down any further.

I’ll be out of the military in a few months and honestly have zero concrete plans in place. I have been making less than minimum wage while working well over 70+ hour weeks over the past few years. Of course the meals, housing, and medical are covered but they are sub par and my quality of life suffers because of it. I just want to be able to make movement forward, I’ve been stagnant in this path the entire time.

I tell myself that going out to eat after work or going to drink, that it’s for my own well being. That there needs to be something in my life that I get to enjoy for getting worked like a dog and having nothing to show for it.

No one knows my financial situation and how I’ve been scraping by. I’m a very optimistic and humorous individual so no one knows how depressed I truly am. I don’t want to sell my soul for another few years just for quick stability and then to ride the same monotonous train.

I have this idea that once I’m free I’ll work a couple jobs for a while to get ahead of my bills. I tell everyone that when I’m out I’ll be getting paid to go to school for “xyz” and have a few prepped answers for whatever they might ask and I appear as if I know what my goals are and where I’m headed. I truly don’t know, I know I can do whatever I put my mind to but there’s nothing on my horizon that I’m dying to chase. There are many things that have my interest but I want my purpose to fall into my lap so I can narrow my focus, however it just isn’t going to happen that way.

Thank you for taking the time to read if you’ve made it this far!