I lied multiple times, to the wrong people despite never lying.

TW: mentions of SH, suicide and psychiatric hospitals.

I will start by saying, since I was young I have never lied to anyone. My whole personality is being honest about everything. I know that’s hard to believe but I really just never felt the need to lie. This comes into play later on in the story.

So when I turned 13, things started to change in ways that I never wanted to. No, this isn’t about puberty because I was a late bloomer. You see, I never had many friends and always had only 1 friend who was my best friend. I never once held back anything no matter how it sounded and that’s sort of how our friendship stayed strong. Anyway, this was at a time where I had just entered secondary school (Ireland) and in this new environment I decided to try make friends for my first time. I was never really that popular, in fact the I was the opposite… never talked to people that didn’t talk to me and never looked for issues. I had now gotten about 6 active friends and 2 best friends, life was good until 3rd year when a new girl joined our class.

She hated me, but we never spoke which was good. Anyway, I did an interview about addictions to video games at the time and thought I was awesome. Upon returning to school however I was met with name calling and taunting, by everyone I saw in the hallways. I then got shut down by my crush and life was getting hard, so I started to scratch myself to get over it. Eventually a half a year passes and a lie about me began to spread, one of my friends had accused me of saying the N word to him. This made everyone hate me more even though there was no proof, I lost a few friends and my grades began to drop.

I began thinking of suicide as an option, eventually I attempted it after having just came out as transgender. My best friend saved me and I was put in contact with the suicide hotline, in Ireland it is pretty hard to get into a hospital for anything until it is too late. Anyway, I ended up in COVID where I couldn’t leave my house because I lived in the middle of nowhere. Things got better, before I knew it 5th year had begun and school was back.

Time Skip (3 months)

People in my new class no longer hated me, however my grades were dropping from high 80’s… to low 30’s and I had less motivation to do HW, eventually I was known as the dumb kid. I later pulled out of school, to go back to my home country of Belgium. This was to go to Culinary school, anyway this new start made me lose all my friends and begin from start.

These new people hated me, would fake confess love to me and my grades remained poor, even in English which I had learned for 12 years. I got into cutting and had suicidal thoughts again. Skip forth 2 months and my GP learned of this, I was sent to a hospital in the PAAZ, I stayed 2 weeks before release and felt no better. Another month passes and I am sent to another stay at a new hospital, at this point I had severe paranoia, manic episodes, depression and anxiety. I came out and things were better for a while on my medication Quetiapine, then arguments broke out and I was separated from my Uncle and at the time “Polyamorous Family”, left with only my parents I ended up worse and was sent to a psychiatric hospital for 6 weeks where I was then sent to “JOVO” I stayed for 3 weeks out of 6 months before the storm arrived. You see, one part I left out was that I lied to get out of the hospitals and even lied to my psychologist about how I felt, by this point the following were my issues:

Severe Paranoia, Anxiety, Depression, SH, Suicidal Thoughts, Suspected BPD, Possible ADHD.

A month passes and now I sit here, feelings of relapse. My mother says I need to think of my parents and to tough it up at my job. As I recently got a new job, I left JOVO with a lie and I feel trapped.