Cheating Husband - R explicit convos with multiple females

Two days ago, I discovered multiple sexually explicit conversations on my husband's phone with various women across different apps. He’s always been extremely family-oriented, a practicing Muslim, and claimed he loved me deeply, so this was a complete shock. He had always been protective of his phone, and I trusted him completely, even letting him go on trips with friends.

When I confronted him, he immediately denied everything, claiming his friend was behind the messages. Despite his insistence, I found deleted conversations where he had asked his friend to help him message women using his accounts. As I dug deeper, I found even more disturbing evidence—messages spanning years, including sexually explicit content (from him and them), and interactions with women he’d been in contact with throughout our relationship. Some of these messages went back to significant moments in our marriage, like our wedding celebrations. It was clear that he had been hiding this for a long time.

After going through everything, I messaged his friend and confronted him about what I had discovered. Meanwhile, my husband continued to gaslight me, trying to shift the blame onto me for not trusting him. I was numb, overwhelmed, and devastated by the betrayal.

Eventually, I left in the middle of the night, taking a few bags and heading to my parents' house. He later sent me a message expressing regret, admitting he couldn’t justify his actions but still claiming he never met anyone in person. He apologized and said I deserved better, but I was left feeling disgusted and heartbroken.

I can’t believe the man I married would do this. It’s clear that there’s something wrong, and I’m struggling to come to terms with how many women were involved. I’m now questioning everything—our relationship, his character, and my future.

He’s currently begging for forgiveness saying he doesn’t see a life without me it will never happen again and that I can have all access to his phone, etc.

He has been living a double life all these time. Im thinking lately that I was just a tool used to maintain the social perception while hiding the inner beast underneath. He married me just to carve out a hidden path to live his freedom because otherwise, he is constrained by culture and religion. Could this be it?

In all honesty, I think theres a possibility I can forgive him (unfortunately) but I want him to cry me a river and I need to see what he is willing to do to get me back without me telling him. right now im standing my ground and told him he will never get me back. Ugh Im so confused and lost. Idk what I need to see from him to be able to forgive him 😕 any ideas? Personal experiences?