Hope ? Very severe

Should I still have hope? I'm posting a lot of messages of despair because I've been bedridden 24/7 for a few days. Before, I was bedridden 22/7... I was probably having moderate ones without knowing, I thought I had dysautonomia, that's all... I had major crashes in succession 40 days ago, then they became severe, then now very severe. I had to stop working, my wife has to do everything, my children are sad to see me like this... I can't stand antidepressants, and my wife is starting to get depressed. I feel guilty and suicidal. The slightest effort makes me crash. Stress must surely be a factor. I'd like to have a SGB in Bristol to calm the sympathetic nervous system, but from France, I'll never have the strength to go. I can't even go into my garden... What should I do? I know about pacing, etc. But I only sleep with sleeping pills and anxiolytics. During the day, I wait... I cry... I wait... I think about the future. How can I not screw myself up in this situation? I really want my wife to be happy.