Not joking about considering no treatment

I’m 33 years old, diagnosed this week with IDC + + -, grade 3, extensive lymphatic invasion, and a KI67 of 90%. I have my first appointment with a surgeon in 2 days as that is who they want me to see first.

First off, I hate the positive “everything is going to be ok” comments I’ve gotten in just 2 days. They fill me with such rage.

Second, the idea of surgery and treatment is worse in my mind than just living as long as I do without going through that. People think I’m joking when I mention that I might just skip my appointment but it’s a real thought. I don’t want surgery, chemo, or anything else. I don’t want to go through years of pain and the possibility of reoccurrence the rest of my life.