New BF compares my natural hair to Tyrel Jackson Williams

Hey you guys,

This is my first ever post. I just started dating my first boyfriend as of a couple of weeks ago. We’re both in university and are on winter break right now so our main form of communication has been FaceTime, texting, and sending each other funny TikToks. My hair has been in long twists for some time and I have a hair appointment tomorrow for some medium box braids so I took them down. I also cut my large 4c hair into a TWA. I love it. It’s easier to manage and my head feels overall lighter. After I cut it, my bf sent his usual FaceTime call but this time I was hesitant to answer because he had never seen my natural hair before (we met literally last month). I was a bit nervous and for a moment I has the urge to simply let it ring until I get my hair done tomorrow. But I thought to myself ‘you love your hair, and you shouldn’t feel ashamed to show it in its natural state to someone you like’ so I answered it. Not gonna lie, I was slightly disappointed that his response was not an immediate heart eyes, agape mouth, take your breath away, tongue rolling out of mouth, moment. But he said he liked it. Then a few moments into the call, he began to joke around that I looked like the guy from lab rats. Immediately my stomach began to sink. I pretended as if I didn’t know who he was referring to in hopes that he wouldn’t fix his mouth to continue with the lame joke but alas, her proceeded to send a picture of who he thought his girlfriend with now short 4c hair resembled. An awkward, black, masculine little boy. I grimaced and tried to maintained a half-hearted smile on the call, but even Stevie Wonder could see that I was less than impressed. I hastily told him I had to go wash my hair so that I could get off the call fast enough to where he couldn’t see my eyes getting misty.

This hurt me so much that I burst into tears as soon as the call ended. I have had complexes about my hair growing up and it has taken me so long to reach a point of not just self acceptance but self love and adoration. I grew up the eldest daughter of West African immigrants in a predominantly white area all my life, not to mention the incessant harassment of Arab children regarding my blackness when I was subjected to go to Islamic school in my youth. I am usually quite reserved with my essence, but I took a shot at revealing something vulnerable and personal to me with someone, and he viewed it as something worthy of laughing at. This isn’t his first weird remark. I told him that I was planning on cutting my hair a couple of days prior and he started to joke about how I would now become the “dom” in our relationship, insinuating that I would now have to take on some sort of sexual dominatrix role in our relationship. “Oh,are you gonna be one of those bald chicks?” he inquires haughtily. I brushed that one off.

I’m not a particularly tolerant person when it comes to ignorance. I’d much rather let you wallow and suffocate in your ignorance, detach myself, and simply move on than try to explain to someone the misfortune of genuinely possessing such a mindset. But I don’t know. He’s been very open, communicative, and sweet to me but I don’t want to continue dating someone who’s initial perception of my natural state (short hair or other) is one that contradicts femininity. Especially when my hair is an important part of me as a West African girl. I think he noticed I wasn’t having it because after the call, he texted me saying that he was sorry. Perhaps I am being sensitive, but I’m genuinely considering breaking it off with him. I could simply tell him how he hurt my feelings but I am not very good at communicating and I’d much rather nip this in the bud before it could metastasize into something worse. I feel like he has a penchant for saying the most corny, borderline weird shit. Please feel free to give me some advice in a kind and non-judgmental manner. Thank you (FYI he’s white and has never dated a black girl before).