I feel like the cognitive deficits I have from bipolar make it impossible for me to succeed.

Other people in our family have bipolar but none of them have cognitive deficits in verbal memory, attention, and executive function. My mom was an English teacher, my dad and his brother were scientists, and here I am unemployed after quitting my 14 dollar an hour job. I have only known about my bipolar for about a month, but from what I have read it seems like many of the cognitive deficits that I experience even in euthymic states are not reversible.
I feel like no matter what I do, I will fail. I consider suicide all the time and it often feels like there is no better solution for me. For those of you with cognitive deficits that don't go away, were you able to find any sort of relief from treatment? I was considering trying ketamine to relieve some of the depression and maybe help with the other things I mentioned.