I don’t know what to do

Hi, I (20F) am diagnosed with Bipolar 1 as of October of 2024. I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 before then. I just got out of a partial hospitalization program in December and I was doing great until about three weeks ago. Everything has just derailed from there.

I’m definitely in either a mixed or depressive episode. I’m having 4-5 panic attacks a day and when I’m not having one, I have high anxiety. I have no motivation to do anything which makes it impossible to go to work or school. I feel terrible about myself, like I’m a failure or worthless. I’ve started having suicidal ideation without plan or intent in the last week and it just feels like everything is getting worse.

I reached out to an intensive care center in my area and I was hoping to get in before something bad happens. Unfortunately, they said I don’t meet the criteria for my insurance. I’m trying to decide whether to keep trying to do stuff outpatient (I have a psychiatrist but no therapist) or if I should take myself to the ER🥲