What are u even supposed to fucking do when u want to cry but can’t?!?

I’ve always had so much trouble with crying and when I got on meds, it made it worse. Now I’m going through a hell of a time with horrible events back to back (day after day I kid u not), and I feel hypomanic but I want my thoughts to STFU.

I can’t get them to STFU so it’s enraging my emotions and I can’t sleep and I just want to die at this point. No matter how hard I try, it’s like god doesn’t want to give me just a month of stability. I want to cry so bad and release all this anger and sadness but it’s physically not coming out.