i feel like ill never live a fulfilling like

hey all sorry for a depressing post. just need to ramble about this.

for some years now, due to having bipolar 2 ive been depressed about 75% of the time. not the crisis type, but the dull demotivated type. its pretty disabling because i almost never leave the house and barely talk to people most of the time. rarely i will have about a month of happiness/hypomania but then the low inevitably comes back.

i dont know what to do. if this is just how i am permanently, i dont know how i will ever get anywhere in life. i cant get a job, i usually abandon any hobbies or projects i had while not depressed, sometimes i cant even get out of bed or eat - so the idea of doing anything meaningful with my life seems so far out of reach.

i wish i was normal. im so tired of being stuck in this rut of a little happiness followed by a long bout of sadness. i just want to do normal things like go out, have a stable job, have regular things i do that i dont abandon. my life is so boring and i feel like a nobody.

ive been taking mood stabilisers and i guess its toned it down, but the depression hasnt gone away. i really wish it would.