Bridesmaid Dropout

I agreed to be a bridesmaid in a destination wedding that’s in October. I’m cutrently four weeks postpartum, I have yet to receive a text from the bride congratulating me on having a baby.

The bride is demanding that we all order our dresses now, ten months ahead of the wedding due to ensuring that the color dye matches exactly. Apparently there’s a chance if I order say a burgundy dress from the same website three months from now it won’t be the same exact color. When I told the bride I wanted to try to lose some weight first, she asked if I could just order a size smaller instead. She then retracted and said it was okay. Keep in mind this is the only conversation I’ve had with her since having my first child a month ago.

This bride is getting married abroad in Europe, we live in the states. My husband and I decided to make a trip out of it and bring our baby and my parents along. My parents can watch the baby the day of the wedding.

The bride is also having her bachelorette five hours away from us on the 4th of July weekend. These are only small parts of the demands she’s already asking.

At this point, it feels like I’m bending over backwards for a person who doesn’t even treat me as a friend. she can’t even do the bare minimum and congratulate me for having a baby. I’m considering dropping out of the bridal party.

This biggest kicker is that my husband is in the party as well. It’s a bummer since it would be so much fun to walk in with him and have those photos. But I’m at the point where I need to respect myself and start creating boundaries.

EDIT UPDATE

I didn’t think I’d get so many responses so I wanted to update here!

There is a history and pattern of the bride not being a decent friend. The dress conversation was the straw that broke the camels back. I agree it’s not the reason to end the friendship. However it’s making it more difficult to want to spend all this money.

The bachelorette party was one of my biggest concerns. I did not want to drive five hours away by myself and be that far from my baby. It was giving me a great deal of anxiety (the maid of honor essentially tried to bully me into staying 4 nights). So I’m making the decision to not go to the party. However, still pay my share to “stay”. This way, I still feel in control and not resentful.

Calling the bride and airing out grievances would be what a real friend does. But tbh at this point, it doesn’t feel as though we are real friends. There has been a pattern of this behavior for her selfishness in the past. She did not come to my bridal and baby shower. (She had weddings the night before and didn’t want to go hungover)

As for my husband, him and the groom have been friends much longer. The groom did send my husband a text. He was very nice about it. however, that doesn’t excuse the bride for not reaching out. We have our own relationship. It’s hurtful that she wouldn’t even try to ask me how I was doing after I HAD to reach out to tell her about the dress. It felt extremely hurtful and selfish.

That being said it’s too much drama to opt out completely. I will go to her bridal shower and contribute where I can. Therefore, I’m just going to opt out of the bachelorette. Pay all my dues and move on.

Also for the dress: if you go on Azazies website it says at most to be safe you should order 4 months ahead (usually they take FOUR WEEKS to ship). Ordering 6 months ahead would be reasonable. AND she was in my wedding and laughed to me a month before my wedding that her dress hasn’t come in yet.