Anyone else grieving someone whilst caring for your baby?

I know this is a little off topic for general baby talk here, but it’s something I’ve found a new and unique experience since having a baby. If that’s the right words? And wondered if anyone else has experienced similar?

I lost my sister in 2023. She was my best friend. We did everything together and losing her is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. I had my baby August 2024, over a year since she passed and I felt I had moved into a ‘comfortable’ place with my grief. But having a baby? It opened up this entirely new wound that I didn’t even realise was there. Every single day I think of my sister, and how her and my baby will never get to meet. How she’ll never have her babies who we never get to meet. She would have been round every day, and I bet it would have annoyed the hell out of me but now I loooong so much for her to be here with us.

It’s so strange, I am the happiest I have ever been but this new form of grief sticks with me so much. Having my baby has really shone a spotlight on sister missing from this equation. I know she would have loved my daughter more than anyone in the world, and I hate that my baby won’t ever get to experience that from her.

I’m not sure what I believe in terms of an afterlife, but I do believe my sister is watching over my little girl and protecting her.

I’m not sure how I’ll ever feel okay with my baby not having the aunty she deserved