(FA) ex wants a phone conversation.

It's complicated, I guess I kind of want it too but I'm trying hard to look into my own motivations here.

It's been a pretty rough road since the break up--- for the first three months she was still acting like she saw a future/wanted to be together. Being the anxious dude that I am I've dedicated a lot of time to trying to understand her and understand myself. I've been in therapy for roughly 15 months.

There's been lots of drama, but a few weeks ago she sent me a message that was a meme which referenced something kind of personal/nostalgic from our relationship. At first it was nice to hear from her, but a few days later I found myself ruminating on it and it kind of started to upset me. I sent a message saying that it was kind of hard to see something like that, and that I wasn't in a place where I was ready to reminisce.

Her response kind of implied that I was sending mixed messages. We got into a long conversation and she ended up saying that she was sick of these types of emotional talks over text, and that if I wanted a conversation it should be in person. She's mentioned meeting up to "share experiences after the break up" a few times now but I've always kind of just ignored it. I told her we could talk on the phone, which we're supposed to do this week, probably tomorrow.

I'm honestly a little vexed by all of it. I'm now at a point where I'm seeing things a lot more clearly, and I no longer look at her as a viable partner, nor do I hold out any hope for reconciliation. Her patterns have become more clear than ever since the break up, although she's shown signs of introspection a few times. She's mentioned wanting to be friends a lot, which I've also mentioned I don't want.

I guess I just don't understand what it is she might be hoping to gain from all of this. I'm feeling more secure than ever, and I'm for the first time in my life starting to actually enjoy being single and I don't really yearn for a partner the way I used to. I still have a soft spot for her, and I really empathize with the amount of pain she feels, but the relationship is long dead and the idea that she wanted to "work on herself" and revisit things later ended up being untruthful. It's crazy we fight the same way we did when we're dating but I genuinely feel like I've internalized that she's not the person for me.

Any FA's out there have any insight here?

UPDATE

So we made a time to talk, I messaged her, and then called her and no response. She messaged me later that night saying she was sorry and that she fell asleep. I said no worries, then I messaged her the next day saying that my week was going to be busy and that we should probably just put a pin in it for now.

Might not have been intentional on her part, but waiting around for a response didn't feel good and I'm not going to risk a repeat. If she wants to talk to me I'm sure she can find a way.