Losing our twins

We lost one of our MCMA twin girls on December 18th at 25 weeks. Initially we had hope that twin 2 would survive, and she has, but the doctors are strongly suggesting we terminate due to the very high risk that she suffered severe brain damage when twin 1 passed. They can’t know for sure but my cervix is short and I’m also at high risk of preterm labour which would make the risk even higher.

I know termination is the right decision for us but I just can’t come to terms with it. I can’t stop imagining what if she’s perfect? This is the most impossible decision I just feel like I’m suffocating.