I really fucked up. I feel into something too fast and scared them off. I tend to be all or nothting l. I told him he was my new special intrest and that inloved him and inwas wrong for rushing into it all. I hate how impulsive i can be. I hate my self. I should have known better. I can't calm down. I can hardly breathe. I know I have to let this go and respect his wishes but right now I just want to die. I hate me. I shouldn't have been so intense with my words and it wouldn't have been like this. My heart feels like it's been ripped out and stabbed. I deeply want to self harm right now. I can't calm down I really really can and I have no one. I'm so alone and so so sad. I just thought I finally after so many years found someone I really liked. Maybe it was just infatuation but now I'll never know. I really want to not be alive right now.
