The dark side of neurodivergency for me

How does one describe severe anxiety to someone else? I have dismissive narcissistic parents, they wouldn't understand anyway. I have skipped a week worth of college classes already, and it is only my first semester. I am a 6 time college dropout I have quit more things in life that I am comfortable admitting to. I am suicidal, I was recently diagnosed autistic with adhd Previously I was diagnosed borderline with anxiety disorder (I have history of agarophobia, panic attacks and hospitalization) I tried CBT, DBT, psychoanalysis, meds after meds after meds. Shit, I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like crying the whole day Just the thought of having to get a job again makes me wanna puke I thought I had it all under control..... Perhaps I was soo wrong I dont know if I am sane anymore or if I ever was I might be going through a burnout. The name of what I have right now doesn't really matter. Professionals might call it different names, I call it a "living hell" And the cherry on top? I am closeted trans with a great deal of dysphoria Lol Anyway If you read it all, thanks