Did teachers respect your accommodations in high school and college?

Most of my teachers respected my accommodations but I also had a lot of teachers in middle school and high school who refused to follow my IEP and respect my accommodations. Even really simple easy requests were sometimes ignored or met with hostility. I grew up in the 90s. What they did was illegal, but nobody was there to enforce it and other than suing the school nothing could be done. I was told that my accommodations are unfair to other students.

I grew up in an affluent suburb with so-called "good schools" which I feel the need to specify because a lot of people don't think these schools do anything wrong. I actually seriously think I might have done better in a "bad school" because when everyone has a PhD from Harvard or some shit they think they're better than you and don't have to listen to you.

Anyway these people who told me my accommodations are unfair basically ruined my life. I almost failed high school and had to repeat the 11th grade. The lack of help I got damaged my self image, and this was the most damaging part of it. I saw myself as having a fake disorder and I internalized the message that I don’t deserve help. This really impacted me well into adulthood because I denied myself all help and saw myself as an inferior person with a moral failing. I spent a long time rejecting any and all disability services and I wouldn't even do simple things to help myself like set extra timers. I thought I deserved to be treated badly because I'm such a burden on other people and I tolerated being treated badly in toxic relationships.

Recently I spoke to a friend who is my age and grew up not far from where I grew up. His disorder is similar to mine (autism and ADHD) and his accommodations are the same (mainly, extended time on tests). He told me his accommodations were always respected in school and adults always reassured him that it was fair when he was afraid it was unfair. Sorry to have the “wrong” reaction to this news but I feel really resentful and angry knowing this. Maybe it’s because he’s male and I’m female that he got treated better, I don’t know.

The worst part is I went to a high school exclusively for disordered people for two years and they still did not respect my accommodations and did absolutely nothing to educate me about my disorder or prepare me for post high school life.

I’m currently a college student and I’m dealing with a situation with a professor who thinks I need to use the testing center because my extended time is unfair to other students and they can’t be exposed to a student who gets extra time or they will feel bad. I feel this is an invalid reason to segregate me and I wish something could be done about this but the school said they can’t do anything. I wrote another thread that goes into more detail about the professor.

I feel that teachers who say things like this are instilling shame and self loathing into young mentally disordered people. I’m an adult and I can deal with it, but, when I was younger this type of behavior did a lot of psychological damage to me and made me hate myself and fail at a lot of things.

I think from now on I should contact all teachers before I register for classes to ask them about their attitudes regarding disability accommodation. I can’t deal with this stupid bullshit any more.