How did you learn to love yourself?

27M. I know this is a loaded question.

I knew I was gay from 8 years old, and my computer search history effectively "outed" me to my parents that same year (lol).

That was the start of a lifetime of hating myself to my core. I developed into a shell of a person with no inner scaffolding of self love- and as a result I ultimately shrink and collapse at any slight adversity.

I have temporary highs fueled by external validation, like a good annual review at work or a great date. But I ultimately return to my baseline of self loathing.

I'm never "myself", I adapt my personality to fit the preference of the person I am interacting with. I don't even do it consciously, it's my subconsciousness' endless pursuit of validation. I thus have fairly bad social anxiety regarding how I will be perceived; although, I will say, it has made me particularly skilled in perceiving other's emotions.

As I get older I feel more pathetic to still be in this same place. I also am starting to realize just how much it holds me back in every aspect of life- from relationships, to career, to general well-being and happiness.

I am turning to this sub because I feel this is a classic story- hating the way you are at an early age, during very formative years of development.

Does anybody feel they had similar experiences and ended up with similar results regarding personality? Did you overcome it or is it a work in progress? I want the courage and confidence to be unapologetically myself, any advice is appreciated.