Can you be aromantic and crave a relationship, but when it comes down to it you really don’t actually want to be with anyone?

I can’t figure out if I truly am Aromantic. I want to be in a relationship and I like the idea of it..but when I realize I have to be close with someone in order to do that is just gross to me. I don’t know if I could ever crush on someone or like them properly. I want to be in a relationship with a woman but I can never like anybody. I have interest in people sometimes but it feels like a waste of time, painful, and just not right at all. I feel like if I were to ever be in a relationship it would be more like a middle schooler who doesn’t even understand the concept of love. Nobody meets my standards but even if they did would it still be so uncomfortable? It’s very annoying I want to be with someone so much but at the same time I really REALLY don’t want to. Jeez and I’m so jealous of everyone else who has good relationships. I like shipping my favorite characters, reading romance manga, and watching romance anime(sometimes) but if it’s real life stuff like a romance movie I don’t wanna see it at all. It’s so cringe. I kind of just go about daily life telling people I’m not interested in relationships..but I am! It’s just I’m also not it’s too uncomfortable? I don’t know anymore fr.