I got cheated on?

Need to vent and need your support.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years. It was great on a surface level but I noticed that he is not emotionally intelligent and mature - he couldn’t remember facts about me (“who’s Adam?” - it’s my brother damn itttt, write it down), didn’t know how to cheer me up (he once said “don’t cry it’s Friday”) and couldn’t support me at all when I got diagnosed. He also had some anger issues that I couldn’t stand, hitting ATMs, road rage, getting mad at our dog. I knew he loved me or he thought that he loved me, he just wasn’t capable of giving me what I need.

I lost my feelings in June, started planning my way out, saving money, getting a new job (we were coworkers) while it felt like nothing changed in our relationship. In February, when I had enough money to move out, he got into illegal job in scamming people. He knew I despise it and he would still come home and yap about it’s details - and it was my last straw - I lost all the respect and care and i signed up for apartment view.

Then he started a !first! conversation about this relationship. He said “My baby, I want to talk about us” and I said something like “there’s nothing to talk about, I’m moving out” and he was so ok with it. He offered me money for apt deposit and he told me I can take my time and can take anything I want from our home.

Looking back, he was staying at this new office till 11 pm, he was going to a nearby town with his friend (?) and I found woman’s glasses (he could give a ride his colleagues and it was never a problem). I messaged him 12 hours ago about picking up my belongings and he just replied “will be in town on Sunday and will let you know”.

I feel so so stupid for caring about this. It literally changes nothing for me. It was so freeing to move out, I don’t have panic attacks anymore, I live in such dream place. I was so afraid that I will never get out. Surely I got our dog (my bf never cared about him). And still I’m crying my eyes out during this week for a man I finally got rid of.

How can I cope? I feel so rejected and unlovable. I only come to wrong conclusions like “if the worst person threw me out, good person wouldn’t need me for sure”. It bothers me that I have no answers. He is the most lying person and I see no sense asking him. I have a million “what ifs” and so much shame for staying with him. It feels so alone to live in a new place, far from my gym and coffee shop, with worse income, with no idea what to do in life. I have nobody to remind me to eat, nobody to “help me think” out loud, nobody to actually remember groceries we need. I can’t bear these emotions