losing my virginity to a hooker led to me spending majority of my life savings, cant even stop either
long story short, im 21 years old, and have spent the last 6 years of my life completely alone for the most part, i have no social life, i was the lonely loser in highschool that would hide in the bathrooms to kill time. i didnt ever get female attention, really i would avoid them for the most part out of insecurity. i still live with my family, but being the oldest out of my siblings i really felt eager to get financially free asap, i started putting most my life savings in the stockmarket as soon as i turned 18 and i stayed disciplined up until i was 20, i would do a lot of unnecessary stuff to save money, and it payed off i suppose, at my peak last year i had 50k saved up in stock equity (most i ever had)
to add more context i was always addicted to porn, i had discovered it and frequently watched it in my middleschool years of my life and it went on until i was 20, then it started to get more severe, onlyfans starts spreading, its all that pops up on my feed now, so i give in, in total i probably spent like 4k-6k on OF i would rather not check but thats my closest guess.
eventually my 50k networth at 20 gets closer to like 35k at the end of last year, because i also did help my family with their credit card debt and my part of the bills for the year
its now a week before valentines day in 2025 and im super sad one day for whatever reason i get the bright idea of finally losing my virginity to a hooker, i was already in the area, the first time i got scammed, the second time i finally lost my virginity! i felt a boost in ego, and wanted more immediately, in total my first week after finding where to go, i had already spent 2grand , i would tell myself stuff like, i wont let my account go lower than 30k, then it gets that low, now im saying 25k is my limit, it got so bad my 35k at the start of this year is now only 12k as of today :(
i think the first 3 weeks of doing this it was the excitement of sex that kept me going but then i started to gain attachment with just one regular hooker, and i would say thats what really started to get me to spend irrational amounts certain nights, sometimes i wish i never met her, but sometimes i hate to see her go, so i pay extra to stay with her longer, my porn addiction essentially translated to a sex addiction i would always go crazy amounts of rounds for no reason, it didnt hit me that wasnt normal until one day she, a hooker, called me a sex addict that kinda made me think after that day.
i still regularly go to her and like i said its not even about the sex at this point i enjoy her presence we usually hang out in between rounds just talking while we smoke or get something to eat, i still get anxious around her but just the ease of having someone engaged enough to make me feel noticed feels good, really good, i cant let it go, and i dont even want to try and replicate it with anyone else i know its unhealthy and im just stuck in a money pit by paying for sex and company but ive just lost all motivation in life i guess
ive tried to get myself to go SAA meetings havent yet successfully gone, ive tried to get myself to confess to my mom and other family i sort of trust but overall i just feel it will be used against me so i continue to hold off or just say everythings fine if they ask whats wrong. it doesnt help that im basically unemployed as well eventually i wont have enough to sustain this addiction, everytime i tell the regular i go to that i wanna take a break i relapse, now nothing really is fulfilling enough to change what i have going on yet i guess, i still have life goals and stuff i want to do so these kinda things have been driving me crazy i never thought id let myself get this low. knowing ill have to work a couple years to make old progress again doesnt sit right with me, i want to change, just dont know where to go for help and honestly i feel defeated