currently pregnant and planning for MA

hello, i just wanted to come on here and kind of talk about my experiences so far because i really haven’t been able to open up about it through words and i feel like a group like this might help me feel at least some grief off of my shoulders.

i had unprotected sex on october 28th, and i had been diagnosed with PCOS for a year now. which is why i thought i was okay. i wasn’t, and i wish i was smarter and more firm with how i feel about sex in general. i was seeing a very narcissistic, manipulative and selfish ex boyfriend of mine who only seemed to have ever cared about sexual desires during our time together. he was my first boyfriend, and almost every single day where we had to plan “having sex”, i was guilt tripped, manipulated and shamed by him until i gave in. because my one fear, was getting pregnant. it has complete ruined the whole idea for me, and here i am. i tested positive on digitals, and through PH and doctors offices since then.

my ex boyfriend has been little to no support. when i first called and told him, he asked me to “split costs” of an abortion when he had just returned from a 10,000$ trip. he also told me i should be comforting him because he was doing the same. he also told me he was going to starve if he paid for my abortion.

i did everything i could to try to keep it on a low so my parents didn’t find out, but i opened up to them last night because i really needed to get on their insurance and unfortunately with this kind of procedure it wasn’t going the be billed confidentially. i have felt every emotion possible. i feel so empty and hollow. i just want this to be over with.

when i had first visited my appointment the next day i found out, they couldn’t find anything in my my uterus. they explain that it could be ectopic or way too early to tell. however the entire procedure was traumatizing and scary. i never knew what was to come, i knew it hasn’t been easy but this is a whole other level of damage.

i have an appointment tomorrow for another scan to hopefully see if an embreo has appeared or not, and from then on they’ll start me on MA or maybe not, i’ll end up in the hospital because of an ectopic.