Rant: Feeling Used

I'm a veteran with a 70% disability rating and I am full of rage. My body is destroyed, every movement hurts and I push through. I stopped working out because of pain and depression and have gained unacceptable weight. My hearing is shot and I get frustrated with every conversation.

I ask myself, why? For what reason am I like this now? So that politicians who have never served can send teenagers to go kill other teenagers that have never had any beef with each other? Send people with families and loved ones to kill other people that have families for patriotism or a chance at education or just to make ends meet.

And I miss it!

How awful is that? I miss having a team of guys up against time lines and challenges to achieve the same mission and being successful at it. Being great at it.

And I think of all the friends and people I looked up to that have passed away. For what? Sure I can put a spin of our duty to each other. Committing the greatest sacrifice so that others don't have to. But honestly that's a bunch of BS. And yet, at the same time, I would gladly sacrifice myself so my friends could spend even another day with loved ones.

I hurt all the time. I'm angry that everything seems pointless. I miss serving. I'm angry that people are dying just to die. For what?