I think I’m spiraling

I feel done. Like I’ve overstayed my welcome and I’m embarrassed I didn’t see the signs laid out before me. I’m tired of this one doctor and how he holds one medical math mistake I made over my head like that tells him everything he needs to know about me. How people are spreading lies about the fact I don’t know how to do my job leading to a mandatory training day (I wasn’t even on the floor when it was said I refused to do it bc I didn’t know how). And overall, I feel like I just don’t care about the patients anymore. I used to do everything to make sure they felt comfortable by providing enrichment and making sure the ICU felt safe; no loud noises, soft voices, making sure every time I opened their kennel it wasn’t just more meds or whatever treatment they were due for. I took the time to cuddle them if they wanted, sat with them, talked to them but that made me “slow” even though my treatments got done on time anyway. Now, I could care less. The floor is loud. People play whatever music they want as loud as they want. Treatments just get done. Emergency is just a job. Get them in. Get them out. You don’t wanna do treatment for critical pet. Ok. I wish I had an option to do more for my pet when she suddenly died in front of me and I was by myself but you do you. Your pet will probably thrive anyway. I’m so angry and lost. I don’t know what to do. This was my passion for so long and now it’s gone and I think I hate it now.