I don’t even know anymore

So my wife had cheated on me 3-4 years ago. It was rocky but then I felt like I didn’t proceed the situation because I was constantly getting high or drunk. I’ve tried to get closer but she either doesn’t remember or doesn’t wanna talk about. Now that I’m sober a lot of feelings came back like it just happened. trying to get actual closure but she’s saying she’s not ‘sober enough’ to face it then the storyline changed as to what happened and said ‘ what does it matter’ . Her therapist suggested homework for us but she hasn’t initiated any of it cause she started a new anti depressant so she’s adjusting. I just feel I will never get closure or any thing really. I’m so sick of it.. I really love her and she’s been faithful since then but there’s that trauma that I never really could get over.