Vaping as harm-reduction (non-smoker)

Hey guys,

Hope everyone is doing well :)

I'm 25 and healthy overall. My mind is a little fucked up due to ADHD, but overall organs are always good when checking-up.

I was on Pristiq for 3 years. Hard as fuck to quit. Felt like I'd die if I skipped it 1 day.

Went to a new psychiatrist, she prescribed me Lexapro and Mirtazapine (I take Ritalin 40mg/daily and Xanax 2mg/daily)

Suddenly, Lexapro started to make me feel worse and I gained A LOT of weight because of Mirtazapine's hungwr and Lexapro's increased appetite... Then I was like "okay, FUCK IT".

Stopped cold turkey both Lexapro and Mirtazapine, still taking Ritalin and Xanax daily (reducing benzo's intake, tapering).

BUUUUT, in the last few weeks, I got so stressed at work that I noticed:

  1. I started binge eating (hard to quit, sugar addiction coming from childhood, emotional ties).
  2. Started taking more Ritalin (upped dose to 60mg/daily)
  3. WORSE - I was eating Xanax like skittles and mixing it with Clonazepam. 6mg/daily.

I decided to start vaping and now I can actually function based on what was previously prescribed and finally taking them benzos and tapering again!

Vaping is a bad habit. I know I'm trading one shitty habit for another. I did this "vaping experiment" once for 4 weeks and stopped cold turkey without symptoms.

My mom smoked cigarrettes from 18 to 32. Quit cold turkey without side effects. My uncle did the same.

She's worried about my health and I totally undestand it. She embraced my decision and told me she trust I'd stop when I'm able to (which I plan to do).

Still, I feel guilty about vaping. I have some stomach cramps but that's it. At the same time, I feel it's being better than using Xanax like mad and hyper stimulating my body through Ritalin and keep on increasing it.

Has anyone had any similar experience? Does anyone have a word or advice for me? I plan to quit vaping and I know it is addictive as fuck, but man those psych meds were FUCKING ME UP in a way I can't describe.

Any word for a fellow young man feeling guilty because I started a bad habit?

I know I can be self-sabotaging myself with those - but that's who I am right now.