10 Steps Backwards

I’m sorry I let my emotions get the best of me again but you know what you did in that moment. I know you; you’re much better than that but your actions yesterday were disappointing.

I’m disappointed in my self as well. You were trying to push my buttons though so I won’t beat myself up about it. But I know my actions were wrong as well. It seemed like we were getting to a good place but now we are about 10 steps backwards. I honestly don’t know where to move from here?

So I will just apologize first for potentially causing you any harm. I let my anger get the best of me but you pushed me there, on purpose nevertheless. That is not how two people who love each other should engage with one another. I guess I will do my best to avoid you for the time being for now. Why does it always have to be this way though? I just want to love you completely but you make it so challenging some days.

“Love is not supposed to be a challenge”, right? Why does it feel so impossible for us to coexist? We were getting to a better place too, we are even on speaking terms now but I fear this has set us back miles.

Maybe you caught wind that I’m involved with someone new and this is just payback? That honestly would make perfect sense, and if that’s the case I’m sorry if that hurt you. But you had your chance to make another move…you will always have a chance as long as I am breathing if I’m being truthful.

But this time it feels like we both blew it so I guess it’s back to the drawing board for now…I promise I’m still trying to find my way back to you, my dear. I’ve realized hurting one another is not going to solve anything but something needs to change between us now if we’ll ever have another shot. I haven’t given up on us just yet though; we will work out our differences in due time.

Take care until then, asshole…

☮️ + ❤️