Well, here I am, 25 years into this disease.

Today marks 1/4 of a century that I've lived with Ulcerative Colitis.

It's not just the cramping. It's not just the bloating. It's not just the scarring. It's not just the endless appointments. It's not just the tests. It's not just the medication.

It's also the fact that it will keep me from doing 100% of the things I want to do. It's the fact that I am always going to live in terror of not having a job with good health insurance, because I need it to live/not have life crushing debt. I'm tired of trying to look at it as some boon. Some benefit that somehow changed out I look at the world. How I deal with stress.

But mostly, I'm just so very fucking tired. I'm tired of the daily fight my body puts up. I'm tired of knowing that my own immune system is trying to kill *me*. I'm tired of feeling the way I do so very often. And the real bitch of all of this - I never get a break. Ever. There's no pause button with this disease. It's always there. Most days, there's some pain or discomfort that I have to deal with. Days like today, I really, really wish I could just get a day or two where there's just nothing. And that just is not in the cards for me.

So yeah, I'm going to keep fighting. This isn't over. Not by a long shot.

But goddamn, I just want a break from it all. Just for a little bit.

Thanks for listening.