UC and alcohol (NSFW for alcoholism)

I’m an alcoholic in recovery, but not complete sobriety. I committed to getting better after rescuing my cat 2 months ago and she really has helped make it possible. I have a colonoscopy in 2 weeks due to worsening labs (funny since I was drinking excessively around the time of my last colonoscopy, almost going so far as adding vodka shots in my ‘clear liquids’ DO NOT DO THAT 😡 I only included that to show how I was EXTREMELY SICK and I do not mean to put dangerous ideas in anyone’s head!!!!)

I feel like I haven’t noticed alcohol impact my symptoms, but I also recognize that it has been such a crutch in my life that I may subconsciously convince myself that worsening symptoms are unrelated.

Today I am really struggling to not drink. I want to gain weight and exercise more and feel good in my body and proud of how far I’ve come. I’m really struggling, though. The biggest thing that’s keeping me sober today is that I really want my UC to heal.

I understand if this gets taken down as this group isn’t AA. I just wanted to see if I was the only person with UC who is struggling with sobriety? I could really use some words of support