Sorry for the of subject post... again

My soon to be ex is posting about not wanting to feel alone and wanting someone to care if she is there or not and wanting to be important to someone. At the same time, I've begged her to stay and fight for our marriage and the future of our kids. Ive done actual self reflecting and worked on my flaws and she told me it made her angry that I was becoming better because she felt like it's too little too late. I have realistic plans and means to kill myself. Different plans depending on whether i want to traumatize her or not.

How much of a piece of scum do i feel like right now that she's posting this stuff for the sympathy and pity, but the only reason I didn't do it yesterday is because my kids were coming over. All I'm waiting on is for my dad to die so I don't have to disappoint him