Frued's concept of narcissism of minor differences
Hey guys! I just learned a new concept from a book called ' the battle of belonging' by Shashi Tharoor and it made me think about gender roles too. I'm gonna use ChatGPT to explain it. Please keep reading if you're interested!
What is frued's concept of narcissism of minor differences?
Freud’s narcissism of minor differences explains that people focus on small differences between themselves and others to feel special or superior. Even groups that are very similar—like neighboring countries, close communities, or people in the same social circle—often argue or compete over tiny differences.
Freud believed this happens because humans have a deep need to separate themselves from others and create an "us vs. them" mindset, even when the actual differences are small.
And how does it plays into gender roles?
- Exaggerating Biological Differences
While there are some natural differences between men and women (such as reproductive roles and hormonal variations), society tends to magnify these differences to create distinct gender identities.
For example, testosterone might make men slightly more physically strong on average, but this has been exaggerated into a stereotype that "men are strong and aggressive, while women are weak and nurturing." In reality, strength and nurturing are human traits, not gender-exclusive.
- Creating Opposing Stereotypes
Society often frames men and women as opposites, even when they share more similarities than differences.
Examples:
Men are logical, women are emotional. (Both genders feel emotions, but men are often discouraged from expressing them.)
Men are leaders, women are caretakers. (Leadership is a skill, not a gender trait.)
These oppositions don’t reflect reality but help reinforce separate identities.
- Policing Gender Boundaries
When individuals step outside traditional gender roles, they often face resistance because of this need to maintain differences.
A man who expresses vulnerability or a woman who is assertive may be judged negatively because they are seen as "blurring the lines" between genders.
This is why phrases like "man up" or "act like a lady" exist—they reinforce artificial differences.
- Competition and Gender Rivalry
The idea that men and women are in competition with each other is another example.
Instead of seeing gender as a shared human experience, some people frame it as "who is better?"
Feminism, for example, is sometimes misrepresented as "anti-men" rather than a movement for equality, showing how people fear losing their distinct gender identity.
- Marketing and Consumerism
Companies exploit these exaggerated differences to sell products.
For example:
Men’s razors vs. women’s razors—functionally the same, but marketed as radically different.
Men’s vs. women’s deodorant, pens, or even diet plans—despite minimal actual differences, these are branded to maintain the illusion that men and women need separate things.
- Patriarchy and the “Superiority” Complex
Men and women are 99% alike in terms of intelligence, capabilities, and desires, yet patriarchy highlights small biological factors (like pregnancy) to justify keeping women in certain roles.
Historically, men said:
“Women are too emotional to lead.” → But men start wars over ego all the time.
“Women belong at home because they bear children.” → But so do men—yet no one says fatherhood should stop them from careers.
This is exactly Freud’s point—minor differences (hormones, reproduction) are used as a justification for major social divisions.
7.Gendered Expectations in Relationships
Women and men both want love, support, and emotional connection, but society has:
Trained men to hide emotions.
Trained women to overcompensate emotionally.
The result?
Men are told they must be strong → but feel emotionally isolated.
Women are told they must be nurturing → but feel emotionally drained.
- The LGBTQ+ Factor: Breaking the Illusion of Difference
The existence of non-binary, trans, and queer identities shatters the myth that men and women are completely separate categories.
But what does society do? It fights back HARD to preserve those rigid distinctions—because if gender is fluid, the whole structure of power collapses.
Why This Happens:
It helps people feel secure in their identity.
It reinforces social structures (such as patriarchy).
It can be used for control—limiting what people can or should do based on their gender.
Conclusion:
The narcissism of minor differences in gender roles shows how small, natural distinctions between men and women are exaggerated to maintain social order, identity, and even power dynamics. In reality, the lines between masculinity and femininity are much more flexible, but societies keep pushing these differences to feel more structured.