My experience of losing virginity at 30

I've been debating on posting this, but I've been seeing a lot of girls online with awful first time experiences they regret and it made me think - I wish I read something like this when I was younger.

I lost virginity last year, being 30. How I lasted that long boils down to religious reasons - I always imagined myself only doing it after marriage - but also due to the fact that I was never in a relationship, heck, I never held hands or kissed anyone.

I've had crushes, I've had situationships, I've been on a couple of dates, but I guess having someone was never my top priority, or rather - it was so difficult to even meet someone that lived up to my standards it just never happened. I don't think my standards were very high, either - I was looking for a man that would listen to me, respect me, text me back and show genuine interest in who I am as a person. It probably didn't help that my career is somewhat intimidating to men, and I spend most of my time working from home.

Then, last year I met him. By that time my religious beliefs have watered down a lot, but I was still hoping to wait for after marriage - at that point mostly to avoid the awkwardness of having to refuse casual sex. After meeting him, I started reconsidering. He was so respectful, never said anything suggestive, never pressured me into anything, never once questioned why I chose to stay in a hotel when I came over for a week long visit. And I definitely didn't feel comfortable staying at his while being a virgin and only knowing him for a couple of months.

Anyway, at that point I knew I wanted to do it. And ever since I made up my mind, I started preparing myself.

That's one aspect of it I think made the whole experience so much better. Because we're long distance, I had weeks to educate myself, visit a doctor, even get vaccinated. In general, I think living celibate for so long makes you interested in how the whole thing works and looks, so I've actually been consuming quite a lot of media on sexual health and education. Being knowledgeable and prepared took so much pressure off of me.

I also got on the pill. I debated on it for quite some time worried about the side effects, but I decided I don't want the stress of potential consequences on top of what could already be a very stressful experience.

Armed with knowledge, pills and the HPV vaccine, I went for a visit.

Mind you, the visit lasted a week, during which we met everyday.

After the first two dates, he invited me over. This is it, I thought. I was excited, but mostly anxious. By that time we've only been on a handful of dates together, it was the first time I was visiting his place, heck, the first time I was even alone with a man.

Stress got the best of me. I got nauseous, he took me out for dinner, at which point I felt like I could vomit. I asked if we could go on a walk so I could calm my stomach down. We walked for miles - eventually getting so far from his place there was no point going back. We said goodbye at a train station and I went back to my hotel. That day I wasn't 100% ready, and my body knew it. If it happened that day, my experience would be drastically different to what eventually went down. This is my takeaway from this - NEVER do it when you're not 100% ready. If it's 99%, don't do it. You should be 110% sure.

As time went on, we spent whole days together, and things got more and more fiery, kiss by kiss and touch by touch. By the end of the week, I felt like if we don't do it I will physically explode (I'm assuming it was a result of his brilliantly planned foreplay). When he invited me over again, I wanted it so badly I could cry. I was at 110%.

I won't go into details as to what went down because I'm scared of leaving a detailed digital footprint (lol), but it was perfect.

It was full of trust, care, consent, consideration, and it only solidified his values in my eyes. I was at my most vulnerable and yet he made me feel completely safe. Even now, a year later, I'm still giddy thinking about my first time. I can only wish every girl could experience the same. It was so worth the wait.

I'm not suggesting everyone should wait till 30, but just so you know, it's completely ok if you do, or if it happens. It doesn't make you less worthy, and it doesn't make the experience any worse. Similarly, it's completely fine if you, at some point, back out and decide it's not the right time. I trusted my gut and it payed off beautifully.

My advice to anyone in a similar situation:

• never get pressured into it because "you've already waited for so long", but also the expectations can build up during the years so it's also ok if some things don't happen or happen/feel differently to what you imagined
• make absolutely sure it's the right person. You're going to feel extremely vulnerable, not only because of the thing itself, but your lack of experience might kill your confidence. You need to feel safe and sure of the other person
• prepare and educate yourself!! it will take a lot of the stress away! Visit the doctor if you want to. Mine gave me meds for potential infections which also made me feel much safer
• anxiety is normal, but also wait for the right moment - the moment that you feel at 110%. Unless you can't wait, which probably also means you're at 110%, hahah

I think that's it! I wonder if any of you were in a similar situation?