My husband cheated on me and I decided to stay. But now I just want another man to notice me.

I understand I am a bad person. I know that I am no better than my husband, but I just cannot handle the lack of validation and love anymore.

I (23F) got married last summer to my husband (25M), who proposed to me after two years together. A month later, I found out he’d been sexting girls on an anonymous website. He had a whole separate email set up for these accounts he had. There were hundreds of messages. He cried, claimed it was an addiction he was struggling with since he was young. I was devastated. I had never felt so much pain before in my life. I still have flashbacks to that day, dry-heaving and sobbing after finding out the love of my life was off fantasizing about fucking moms and older women while avoiding having sex with me. I always considered him the exception to men, a devoted man who could never hurt me. He swore he’d never hurt me. He knew I had family trauma related to cheating (my dad cheated on my mom my entire upbringing), and yet he still made that decision.

I made the decision to stay, I think because of shame. I really did think there was something wrong with me to have caused him to turn his back on me. But also, we come from a very religious, very cultural community. It isn’t easy being divorced. But I haven’t been the same since. It’s been almost eight months and although I’ve gotten good at masking it, I have not moved from that pit that I’ve dug myself into. I go to work as usual. I hang out with my friends, do what needs to be done. My husband has to leave for work for months at a time, so he’s currently gone. That leaves me a lot of time to sulk around in my thoughts. He’s really trying to be a better person, I just never really know what he’s up to. So I feel emotionally detached in a way I would have never imagined possible with him.

What kills me most is that I’ve started developing a weird desire to be acknowledged. Not by my husband, by other men. I want somebody to look at me, see beauty and intellect like he used to when we first met. I want someone to fall in love with me all over again. And God, I just crave a relationship where I don’t even have to think about cheating.

I know a lot of people will tell me my marriage is doomed, and that I’m a shit person too. And I know that may all be true, but this is my reality currently. I haven’t been able to speak to anyone about this ever, and so I’m here to vent. I am trying to start therapy again (something my husband is against, mind you. But I am doing it behind his back because I deem it necessary), but that process is taking a while.

EDIT: Those of you who keep messaging me with the intent of starting an affair or taking advantage of my vulnerability, please think before you shoot me a message. Women are allowed to talk about a situation like this and not still somehow be reduced to a form of sexual gratification. I am not using this post to beg for attention. I am simply getting it off of my chest, looking for advice perhaps. It’s 2025, understand that there is nuance.