My family sided with the person that sexually abused me as a child.

It was my older brother. He sexually abused me since I was 3 years old. I could never forget the confusion and pain I felt when it first happened. This went on until I was 13, due to shame and his threats about hurting me if I said anything.

The sad thing about it is, when my mum found out, she did not give any support towards me. It became taboo in our family and no one spoke about it. I did not know how to process it, so I had to compartmentalize it. I acted civil and still treated him as my brother to keep the peace.

Many years later at 33yrs old, I became pregnant. I worked up the courage to tell my mum my worries about my future child being around my abuser, as he still lives with her. She was quick to dismiss it. Even blamed me for not saying anything for many years.

I continued to visit mum regularly, until I picked up fleas from a very skittish stray cat they have been feeding. I was covered in bites and it stressed me out having to spray toxic bug spray during pregnancy and turning my house upside down to clean and rid of it. Then a few days later, I have a miscarriage. I told mum she needs to get rid of the stray cat, so I could see her as I really needed her support after losing my baby. I waited months and she said she was trying to 'catch' the cat. I told her to stop feeding it so it goes away. She said my abuser brother is still feeding it and that it's helping his 'depression' he got after getting fired at his job for having a fight with a colleague. I told my mum, they can just get a different cat that they could flea treat. They refused. Apparently, she has to live with him and therefore would rather keep him happy. My two other brothers only see my mum's side too. I blocked my mum as I cannot live waiting for her to reach out. My other two brothers said I should just put up with it and spray toxic bug spray even when they know I'm trying to get pregnant again. When I said no, they blocked me too. I now have no family. Even though I don't really get much support from them, it still makes me sad. But how much more of myself do I need to lose for my abuser? Do I really have to just put up with it just so my abuser gets to keep a stray cat?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm on the wrong, considering everyone turned against me. But I really can't see it.