Come out or cut out?

Okay so it’s been a little while since I started transitioning MtF (two years socially and one year medically). When I started my social transition I had a reasonably sized group of friends, but wasn’t out to any of them. I think some of them started noticing things (makeup, changes in style, growing my hair out) but never really mentioned anything as I’ve been known to do things out of the norm and they probably just thought it was me being my weird self again or whatever lmao.

As time went on I kind of stopped interacting with them as much so I could focus on my transition and mental health, so by the time I started medically transitioning I hadn’t spoken to them in months, and well it’s been over a year now, and I still haven’t spoken to them apart from two who are pretty much the only people I’m out to.

There’s a few reasons I haven’t spoken to them. I’ve kind of been through hell (mostly unrelated to my transition) this past year so my mental health hasn’t been great to say the least. I didn’t want to add any more stress on top of this like coming out to more people would have done, especially people I don’t fully trust to be okay with it.

The reason I don’t fully trust them isn’t because they are openly transphobic or anything, but they definitely don’t have much experience interacting with the LGBTQIA+ community at all. Some of them have made shitty jokes about queer people that I’ve had to call out in the past, and I occasionally still read messages from the group chat I’m in with them where they’ve said questionable things even recently (using gay as an insult, sharing pics of trans ppl just to comment on the fact they’re trans or whatever?? and one of them used the t slur to refer to the trans pride flag), but again I’m not sure this comes from a place of genuine hatred towards queer people, maybe more like ignorance and just thinking we’re “weird” or whatever (well apart from one of them who is openly conservative and I’m pretty sure spends most of his time on 4chan), and I should note that there wasn’t much diversity within the local community we all grew up in and trans people were never really seen or spoken about, so I don’t think any of them have really ever had the chance to speak to a real-life trans person.

The problem is that, because of all this, I don’t know if I actually trust them to be respectful about my transition. I’m scared they will out me to everyone that’s ever known me (maybe without even realising that’s a shitty thing to do) and compromise my safety. I’m scared that the second I’m not around, they’ll start using my deadname and the wrong pronouns, or even worse not even bothering to try when I am around. You might think that if I feel this way I should just move on anyway, but I can’t help but think what if I’m wrong, and actually maybe meeting a real-life trans person is all they need to realise that well, we’re just like everybody else.

Basically my two options are either come out to them and risk being outed to everyone that’s ever known me and potentially suffering transphobic abuse, but also potentially getting some of my closest friends back and along with the chance to explain why I haven’t been present for such a long time, or leave the group chat and don’t bother coming out to them at all, just getting on with my life and trying to make new friends in the process.

If I do come out to them, I was thinking Monday would be perfect, with it being Transgender Day of Visibility (well it could also ruin it for me I guess😬). So I’m thinking of giving myself until then to decide, and would appreciate it a lot if any of you had any advice for me before I make my decision :)

If you’ve made it to the end of this thank you so much for listening to me ramble on and have a wonderful day! 🩷🤍🩵

TL;DR: Stopped talking to friends at start of transition because of difficulties with mental health and fear of transphobia due to their overall attitude. Now trying to decide whether to reconnect with them as my true self, or don’t bother and move on.