does my boy mode still work?
i'm still rolling up to work and 90% of my social existence as [DEADNAME] because i've been transitioning in stealth mostly for safety.
but i got back from holiday recently where i got gendered correctly a few times when boymoding which has made question whether i should start actively socially transitioning.
i've come out to close friends, but this would mean coming out at work and 'going full time.'
i think this would be great for me because im starting to really suffer from an unhealthy body dysmorphia which makes me feel like a hideous abomination that should be put down.
the rational part of me knows i must be seeing something through a distorted lens, but the feeling is real, and its having a massive negative impact on my life.
i'm hoping maybe being openly trans could help relieve this because i can start to see myself more as me and less as him because christ it's been 32 years and im so so so fucking desperate to leave all of that behind.
i'm really bad at making friends. if people further down the road wanna reach out and say hi i'd appreciate it. it'd be comforting to have some wisdom, good grace and hope.