Can't remember my Childhood?

I'm 14 years old and uh, yea... I'm currently listening to the Minecraft OST and it hit me. I used to play Minecraft with my brother when I was like 3 years old on an old PS3. The world file got deleted, 3 years worth of memories lost to time. From toddler to basically now I don't have much recollection. I can't remember how elementary school was, I don't remember these happy memories with my brother when we played Minecraft for hours. I heard that your brain sometimes pushes bad memories away, but it can't all be bad, right? I don't remember my 13th birthday. I never told my parents about it because I don't want them to worry, maybe it's just puberty doing it's thing. My Parents are divorced but live basically next-door to each other so I can see them anytime. When the day ends and I have to choose where to spend the night, I feel bad because I'll disappoint the other parent. My mother often subtly guilt trips me. My grades are going down the drain, I feel empty. I've been drinking and smoking pot, to get a short rush of happiness. I'm overweight (slightly), I feel ugly and anytime anyone looks at me too long I feel ashamed. I've been rejected pretty often and I haven't had a healthy relationship, like ever.

Am I cooked?

Sorry for the dump, maybe this is the wrong sub for this I don't know I don't know anymore