I had to face my reality today

Im a big loser... always was, i tried to run from it . Lied to people to convince them otherwise(even my dad) but now i can't... the result is in front of everyone, i couldn't score well or even decent. This is my reality ... i don't think i can ever change that i can't pull myself up. I have to accept it, live with it. There is a second chance or many chances but who am i kidding? Ik im gonna fail in them.. obviously i will try but ik they would make 0 difference. I would have to hear so much tonight and so much in the coming years that ending it all seems much better... but i won't do it ofc, this is my life and i gotta accept it. Sorry to anyone who i lied to, this is my truth